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CircleOne:- Spendaholics “En Vacance”

Waxing Lyrical on our recent Vacation to Cancun.

This is a departure from the normal “Get out of Debt”, “Live Frugally” post I usually do, but I hope you enjoy it all the same. Anyone who knows me / us will know that this is our first holiday in four years and we worked darn hard to get here 🙂 

Enjoy!

Influencers…Ugh!

I’m trying not to laugh as I sit here and shake my head (imperceptibly) at the 20 something year old in the tiny red bikini. She’s up on a sort of Platform, shaking out her Very long golden hair, Instagram posing whilst her boyfriend takes shot after shot with his professional camera.

Who brings a professional camera set up on holiday to Mexico?

Anyway, she’s just on the boundary of the exclusive VIP Club Members area, with her back to me and her BF is framing the private Cabana’s in the shot and I can read it now… #LovingMYlife. #soBLESSED

I’m in one of the private Cabana’s. The Caribbean Ocean laps softly. I sip a Mimosa because that’s way classier than a vodka and coke at 9:00 in the morning.

I’m thirty years her senior, (best guess) give or take, with my glittery toenails and sparkling diamond rings and I wonder, who is the bigger Fake, her or me?

VIP Beach Club Members.

It’s really not that difficult to gain access to this privileged life. A small outlay in cash to upgrade ($750 for four people) and the promise to come back again by joining the exclusive members club. My promise:- $5000 over five years for ten years worth of upgrades. All of the packages are different and this one worked for us.

You might squeal TIMESHARE in horrified voices but let me tell you, I come from the timeshare era and this isn’t one of them.

A timeshare used to mean the same two weeks in the same resort, every year for ten, fifteen, twenty years. Who wouldn’t get sick of that? No, my “Club” membership simply gives me access to discounts and full lifetime upgrades at any resort I travel to using the concierge service provided. My discounts should be around 60% of the publicly advertised price.

Snob value

Breakfast this morning was smoked salmon, cream cheese and a bagel with a Mimosa. My second hand diamonds sparkle furiously as I try to hold my champagne flute with my left hand so that they can be seen flashing in the light. My Sophia Loren Floppy hat sits elegantly on the table, (despite the kids yelling “Capt’n Barbosa” every time I put it on), next to my overly large sunglasses. By appearances, I look like I might have a few bob (money). I tip the waiter (despite knowing that tips are included) and he hopes that “God, blesses me.”

Outwardly all is serene but behind the scenes was a different story. Picture a squirrel in traffic.

You see, we never seem to quite have the cash we want, when we want it and yesterday saw us cobbling together cash from different sources for the meager down payment to secure this VIP status. I’m sure the rep was embarrassed.

Hubbs didn’t bring his credit card. Mine was almost at it’s (very) small limit (checking bags and airport shopping, etc). Online banking couldn’t be accessed with the spotty WiFi and telephone banking couldn’t help because we couldn’t remember the super secret answer to “who was your grandmother’s favorite lingerie maker in the 1900’s” or something equally as stupid.

My poor kids lost a day of vacation sitting around watching us put $100 on this card and $130 on that card and $x in Canadian cash and $x in Pesos. Do they deserve better?

No! They don’t deserve anything but, do I want better for them? Sure. You betcha.

Resolutions

BE RICH (not just wannabe Rich).

 

Day One in the Circle one Members club.

Yesterday, after calls for “Champagne” and as the ink dried on our contract, we exchanged our “normal” blue bands for shiny pearlescent ones, indicating our new “status”.

My darling family sleeps most of the morning away in the air conditioned rooms whilst I gratefully accept my cushion and 2^nd Mimosa of the day in the blissfully quiet, completely empty section of the beach. In fact, it’s 11:00am and there is literally me and the cabana boy out here.

 

I muse, whilst watching Ms. Instagram, remembering the line from “Show me the money” (Tom Cruise & Renee Zellweger):-

“First class used to be a better meal. Now it’s a better life.”

and I stare openly at the wrist bands of the people daring to wander through my sanctuary, checking their “status” and looking down my nose at the “blue bands”.

Finally Hubbs joins me and tries not to smirk as some loud, obnoxious (obviously entitled), demanding “people” (OK – yes, they were Americans but I never said Texans) are chased away by security.

Andres saunters up and offers Hubbs his own pillow and introduces himself as our personal concierge. He inquires if Hubbs would care for a tequila?

The smile on Hubbs’ face would rival that of today’s sunshine for sheer glorious-ness and his “breakfast” arrives with a dish of salted Macadamia nuts. No mere peanuts here!

What makes me laugh is the fact that the council estate girl from Kirkby / Wigan (me) has a private beach butler. That’s so hilarious.

Thing Two, (AKA my son), joins us and announces that lunch shall be French fries and Ice Cream. This, I can get behind because when we get back home it’s back to salads and veggies from the garden and home baked bread. No spending money on inconsequential things like food. Not if I plan to be RICH.

Cleaning up the credit act.

We’ve been slowly working on rebuilding our credit over the last year, since the end of our Consumer Proposal. (Most readers already know that we had to accept a proposal one year after becoming jointly unemployed). For a whole day now I’ve been consumed with how I could speed up obtaining a rating of Good (from Fair) so that I can ask for the Westjet Mastercard from The Royal Bank of Canada. With this I qualify for upgrades (more snob value) and free checked luggage.

Let’s see. What else can I get for free?

Sitting with the Rep whilst our numbers were being processed there was a stomach clenching, cheeks flushed moment where I thought they may be running credit checks and we were still coming up short. The anticipation of the back office person coming through with a frown and saying “There seems to be a bit of an issue”.

That didn’t happen and, thankfully, it hasn’t happened for a long time but for a minute there…..

Ways to improve your credit score. 5 Easy steps to take today.

Day Two in the Circle one Members club.

The resort operates a system of Golf cart-esque trains known as Mexican Lamborghini’s. There is a “transport especial” train for us VIPs, driven by Circle One drivers. On this particularly fine day I decided to “stroll” in the 32 degree heat but was saved from my idiocy as a “Lambo” pulled alongside and inquired upon my destination. I don’t know whether he saw my Special Wrist band, recognized the hat or the rumor of the English/Canadians who tip had circulated but, nevertheless, aboard I climbed.

My destination was the “Playa Prive” and this became our first stop, despite the fact that it was out of the way for the blue bands also aboard.

I take up my sun lounger with it’s protective beach towel and accept my pillow and fluffy CircleOne swimming towel and…a Mimosa. I hadn’t even ordered one!

Ms. Instagram is back but today she wears a white lace cover up over her Bikini and an over sized floppy hat. I sniff disdainfully. Her hat is bigger than mine and so now I have Hat envy!

She’s taking selfies today, again, right on the edge of the VIP area. No sign of the BF. If only she knew how easy it as to gain access to this side.

Day Three in the Circle one Members club.

Nope. Not getting old yet.

Hubbs appears a little worse for wear and politely declines the 9:00am Tequila. Apparently, having unlimited access to premium alcohol is not always a good thing, even if last night he was extolling the virtues of Glenmorangie whisky.

I notice him staring intently at the small parade of nubile flesh making it’s way through the private area and out to the main beach. As I lower my sunglasses to glare at him he pipes up “All Blue bands. Jog on mates” and I laugh as I realize he too has become an overnight snob and is checking wrist bands and not the primo booty!

PS. Jog On is English slang for Get Lost. Keep on moving.

An older gentleman sets up shop in a Cabana whilst playing really loud John Denver (WTF?). We soon realize that he “doesn’t belong” and do not even have to glance towards security to know they are on it and he is being asked to leave. The debate gets a little heated and he offers to turn down his music if he can stay.

Erm – Nope. Who inflicts their horrible music tastes on the unsuspecting public these days? Doesn’t everyone own earbuds?

So, not only has this little foray into a privileged world made me a snob, but I’ve become a bit of an Ass too!

Day Four in the Circle one Members club.

It appears that tequila is literally the answer to the Worlds Problems. I have a little bit of an upset tum today.. Tequila.

Lost my job – Tequila.

Got a promotion – Tequila.

Wife left me – Tequila

Global warming – Tequila.

Speaking of global warming and all things planet saving I forgot to state how smug I was using my metal straws and Earth friendly sunscreen. I demurely acknowledge the accolades of my fellow Canadians at the bar that day as they applaud my ingenuity (I read the Trip Advisor reviews my Dudes. Doesn’t everyone?) and my stance on Saving our planet.

Seriously though. Plastic is bad. Stop with that shit already.

Plastic Pollution Solutions

I’m feeling exuberant and blithely remark how wonderful it might be to have a photograph of Thing Two, out of his Cave and standing in the daylight. Darling daughter (Thing One) jumps up to oblige but, on seeing the dreaded camera, Thing Two takes off down the beach.

Some time later Thing One returns triumphantly and states “That was worse than trying to get a shot of Nessie!”

Ah, memories are being made.

Hasta Luego!

XO

Anna