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Morning folks,
I wanted to share and intriguing article with you from the Huffington post :A Surprising number of people Hide debt and purchases from their significant other!
Have you done this? Have you needed a”fix” so badly that you took your almost maxed credit card out and purchased something that you knew you couldn’t afford and then wondered how you were going to justify it to your partner?
How’d that make you feel?
The Lies we tell!
Euphoric at time of purchase but maybe just a little bit guilty at the same time. [HIGH]
Ashamed and remorseful when the realization sinks in that now you have to lie to your partner and sneak around and hide things. [LOW]
Desperate and afraid when the credit card bill comes in and you have to think of a reason why the amount has gone up (more than just the interest element) [LOW]
What if it was a MAJOR purchase – like a Car or Expensive Gym membership?
Hmm – now you’re in a bit of a pickle. Can’t really sneak a car in to your closet. Are you feeling sick to your stomach every time you think about it. Is your temperature spiking to uncomfortable levels?
OK – Calm down. Have you heard of Buyers Remorse Law?
As a Canadian (and US) citizen you have the right to cancel the purchase or contract within a pre-defined “Cooling Off” period. During this time you can do a complete 180 degree turn on your purchase and you do not need to say why! There is no need for you to explain and the business usually has approx 2 business days to reimburse your cash.
Do you feel like you were scammed in some way. If a company has misrepresented their product or service then you have a year after purchase to make them repay you. Of course – it has to be true. You can’t just dislike what you bought or blame the fact that you didn’t read the fine print or understand what you were getting into.
Phone and Cable Company contracts are notoriously difficult to cancel. We are still being hounded by Telus for a contract that was canceled OVER A YEAR AGO and was outside it initial contract period (i.e. – our two years were up – this is what we signed up for in the first place).
We canceled Telus and moved to Shaw and three months later we got a bill from Telus for over $3000.
WHAT!!
Upon inquiry the lovely Telus rep told us that we hadn’t given them three months written notice. (??!!). We pointed out that our contract with them had passed its expiry date so we didn’t need to give notice.
Then we were told it was because we still had the cable boxes and PVR’s. So we popped into town with a beautifully packaged box of PVR’s, remotes, etc, etc and happily skipped off thinking that was it. Bye Bye Silly Cable Bill.
NOPE!
We kept receiving Collections phone calls and couldn’t understand why. THEN Telus sold the debt to a Collections Bureau.
We couldn’t believe it. If you think Telus Collections are bad… these people were worse.
After approximately two months of these people calling at 6:00am on weekdays and really late on Sunday evenings etc, I realised my relationship with my husband was getting very strained. I blamed him for not checking the “rules” and he blamed me for wanting the swap in the first place. Not a good place to be in but, you know what? Playing the Blame Game with each other only gives you one more person to fight with and we had enough dealing with the collection idiots!
So, I sent them a registered letter detailing how and when they were allowed to make contact. Did you know that is A LEGAL RIGHT? I chose Email only. Once this has been issued the Law states they have to comply. Of course, its very difficult to strong arm or threaten someone in an email.
In my first email I gave them full authority to speak with my husband on the account (which they like to ignore because its apparently easier to get a woman to cave under duress or threats!!) and I gave a detailed account of my Telus transaction and eventually we were passed to a more reasonable person who has agreed to work with us to clear this up…. but its been almost two years now!!!!
Now – don’t get me wrong. I love my husband and we make a formidable team but there were times when I was so anxious with this whole fiasco that I could easily have just walked away… from my marriage! Now that’s ridiculous, right? Throw away twenty years over a stupid cable bill? I know – as ridiculous as it seems now, this was severely affecting my mental well-being and “Running away” is another of our responses to stressful situations (Fight or Flight mode).
Before it ruins your relationship..
You need to make a commitment to be 100% honest with each other about your spending. If you have agreed on a plan to lower spending or get out of debt then its not OK to renege while the other person is sticking to it. Fess up when you hit a wall and need a “Fix”. Either get help building the spend into the budget or get help in walking away from the purchase.
DO IT TOGETHER!
It’s not uncommon for the stress of debt to cause couples to turn against each other. You may find yourself blaming your partner for what’s happening — especially if they were directly or indirectly responsible for the debt.
It can be tricky to talk constructively about this topic, because being in debt is so stressful. Don’t withdraw from each other and above all, don’t break the barrier of trust that you have between you.
If you need a little professional help then Relate can get you in touch with someone who will talk you through it and give you tools to work together through this, and many other stressful situations.
Debt is a relationship killer. Crush it. Fight back. Break Free.
Ask me anything – I was almost $100,000 in debt two years ago. I know what I’m talking about.
XO
Anna
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